May 28, 2003
Jim and I left the Middle East Saturday night around 2am. He insisted that we walk down Green Street because he had just purchased a new black marker and wanted to "throw up his tag" or whatever the kids are calling it nowadays. And I'm all "Noooo...c'mon Jim..." But give in after 30 seconds.
So Jim went over to the doorway of this new building, marker out, back to the street, and lo and behold a cop pulled around the corner. So I go "Uh, Jim its the..." turned around and tried to look like I was casually walking down the street. At this point going through my head on a endless loop was : "I CANNOT GET ARRESTED FOR GRAFFITTI...I AM IN MY THIRTIES." So I figure...keep walking...let Jim get busted by himself. (I am a very good wife by the way to be putting up with this shit to begin with. I don't have to go to jail too.) Then over the patrol car's speaker system we heard, "TAKE THE MARKER OFF THE GLASS AND PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET."
So funny. So busted. Jim complied, waved and the cop drove away. Of course we happen to live next to the police station. So we had to take some crazy circuitous route home to our apartment to further avoid "The Pigs" in case they were waiting for us.
First comes the zine shows and then the punk rock crafts fairs and now t-shirt art shows. When did everyone start getting so clever and creative? How did I miss out? Anyhoo, it's at the Washington Street Art Center in Somerville, MA on Saturday June 7th, 2003, 8-10pm.
Politically Incorrect link of the week.
And back to Who's On Drugs Now - we have a returning champion this week folks...Scott Weiland is not a quitter.
Boston girlies should be on the lookout as that rapist has returned to the North End. I think we should all pitch in and get Suzanne, who lives in the North End, this.
My god it is pouring out. I may have to kill myself if I do not get some sunshine STAT. That ain't no idle threat neither. Rain sucks.
May 22, 2003
One time I was hanging out with Jay and his brother Terence at Jay's parents house. The video for MMMBop by Hanson came on. None of us had ever seen Hanson before. And so Terence and Jay are talking about how the singer was, like really cute. (In their defense they were indeed under the influence, but still...) I kept protesting, "But that's a boy!" and Terence who seemed be especially attracted to the lead Hanson was like, "I think I would know if that were a boy." Then he looked back at the television and said, "She's really hot." And then he goes "I'd do her." (Ok, that last part may just my memory embellishing the story, but I sure hope its true.)
I gave up after that like "Fine, fine...It's a girl...whatever." But I never forgot. When I found this shirt yesterday, I laughed and thought of Terence.
Do not make cell phone calls when you're drunk. Simple words- Take them to heart. Here are twenty things not to do with your cell phone when drunk. I've only done like four of these so I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself.
God, I just re-read that birthday book I posted last night...can you say grammatically incorrect? If you can then you are much more literate than I. I'm too lazy to go back in and correct the text on that one, cos I would have to remake the images. Just pretend that I conjugated all verbs in one tense. Or that I didn't use the word "super" twice in one sentence. Or that it makes any kind of sense at all.
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May 21, 2003 I found this image on our hard drive while randomly searching for a file. I asked Jim about it and he was like, "Oh yeah, I made that for you once and then forgot about it." He is so sweet, dontcha think? This piece is actually images from two other illustrations he did a while back. Want to see more? Mr. Crosley has a new web site. Go look. And then write him and tell him how cool he is. Jim also passed on this link to me. I think he is trying to tell me something. But it is not completely clear to me what. Yesterday was my birthday. I had fun. I took pictures. I paid for that fun today, all day. I swear to God, every part of my body was in pain when I woke up this morning. It was a long long day and I am happy to announce I made it through another year. Anyway, there is still time to buy me a birthday present. And this is what I want today. This is worth looking at for the photo alone. Woman buys insurance policy to pay out when she is deemed "ugly" by a panel of ten construction workers. Me thinks she might invest that £200 a year in a good therapist. Internet vigilantes get back at spammers...the battle continues. Oh yeah - so when you look at your web site stats you can see search strings that people used to get to your site with...basically the words that they put in google or whatever that lead them to your site. And last week the top search string for my site was "picture of jack osbourne nude". I don't have any naked photos of Jack Osbourne but I do use his name and the words "picture" and "nude" a lot so I came up anyway. These visitors certainly did not get what they were looking for. Anyway, my question is: Are there naked pictures of Jack Osbourne floating around the internet right now? Does somebody have these? Does someone want to give them to me? Jack is no Ashton Kutcher or Jim Crosley but I am still revoltingly intrigued. So cut a girl some slack and send her some nudies of Mister Osbourne Junior. Please. |
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May 15, 2003
Coke or cleaner? I know my cleaner well - do you?
Marilyn Manson is back with a new album...I know, I know, we've all been waiting so long... I can't believe the day has finally come. No really, the scary sexually ambiguous clown thing really isn't doing it for me anymore. Even my mom thinks his schtick is passe.
Mister Manson has a blog. Click on baby.
Oh this one is good. It reminds me of this story Lisa used to tell. Ok, I always screw this one up, but here goes... One day these EMTs she knew were called to pick up a man who has a toothpick stuck up his internal urethral orifice - yup, his penis. They bring him to the hospital....Oh, this is where it gets fuzzy...Um, they couldn't get the toothpick out. They stuck some sort of long thin tweezer-like thing up the man's penis to retrieve the toothpick but they kept following up the wrong path. The man had obviously made a habit of sticking toothpicks up his dick while masterbating, because he had created 19 false passages off of the main canal. This story is fun to tell to a group of men. Lots of groans, pained looks, hands move to protect the family jewels...sweet. 19 false passages. Heh.
Ok, Liz passed this link on to me this morning...The Best Strokes Article Ever.
Another boring public service announcement:
The FCC is still pushing through its plan on media deregulation. Contact your senator to express your opposition. If you are a Massachusetts resident that would be Senator John Kerry and his number in DC is: 202-224-2742
All you gotta do is give them your name and the name of the city you reside in...no big deal.
Here's the NY Times article on the subject.
Now back to your regularly scheduled slacking.
May 11, 2003
Jen sent me this email last night:
"it's late...i am drunk...we stayed in and drank...it was good...so i was reading your site....sooooo why you gotta bash the roller skates publicly??? you are a friutbooter....i know it.....that makes me sad.....fruit booter.....did you figure out how to tape 6 feet under?.....fruit booter."
Is there an equivalent phrase to drunken dialing with emailing? Cos obviously this is a prime example of it. Jen wrote this to the web site so I feel fine outing her as the inebriated fool that she is. Also she seems to be insulting me - fruitbooter being a derogatory term for a freak in rollerblades - while at the same time asking me for a favor. Hmmmmm...I wonder how that works. I am a "fruitbooter" yet she wants me to tape Six Feet Under for her. Yeah.
Anyhoo, about those skates. Yesterday Jen and I were out in our Sketchers, and I do have to reiterate - skating in rollerskates is akin to biking uphill on a tricycle. My ass still hurts. And we had to skate hard and pump our arms wildly to get up these tiny hills. We looked like those cartoon skating monkeys...the ones with the red box hats with gold trim? I have almost convinced Jen that we should be wearing those hats ourselves when we skate. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Back to Six Feet Under - THIS IS A SPOILER- I am freaking out. Lisa couldn't have killed herself! Not with the baby! Where the hell is she?! And three deaths at the beginning - really shaking things up over at HBO. Love that show.
May 9th, 2003
Ok, I know I have written about the uselessness of signing petitions, so let me be the first to point out my glaring hypocrisy before I ask you to fill out this online petition. On June 2, the Federal Communications Commission intends to lift restrictions on media ownership that could allow your local newspaper, cable provider, radio stations, and TV channels all to be owned by one company. Tell your government representatives to put a stop to media deregulation. And thanx for the ups Anne.
Hos up Gs down.
May 8th, 2003
Anyone play bass or guitar? Harmonica? Flute? A mean recorder? Help a sista out.
Oh yeah, those Zeta-Jones-Douglases were pissed about the pictures traveling around the internet last week. They're suing.
Police show up at a bachelorette party where the women are waiting on a stripper who is dressed like a police officer...hilarity ensues. Ok, maybe not hilarity...something slightly humorous ensues.
Shit, yo, how did I miss no pants day? Now I have to wait an entire year to go partially nude in public. DAMN! Even Keifer Sutherland seemed to have been informed of the event. From now on I would appreciate being kept in the loop guys.
Cleverness abounds on craigslist.
Simpsons guest star trivia quiz.
Cut it up like Burroughs - Write your own Naked Lunch.
My newest pet peeve - the growing use of unnecessary quotation marks. Is this a new style of writing? I mean I am as guilty as the next person of throwing a few superfluous quote marks around, but see I am doing it to try to be funny or ironic or something...I emphasize the word "try"...see? Funny. But for reasons I find completely mind boggling I see people writing things every day with all these quotation marks and they MAKE NO SENSE. Here's another ad off of craigslist.
Seeking strong production artists "specifically" with healthcare or pharmaceutical experience. Only "qualified" resumes will be responded to.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? That I don't really need to have healthcare or pharmaceutical experience? That I need to pretend that I have experience, that I'm "qualified" and that they will play along? Please make this stop.
So I read this article the other day about roosters roaming wild in Harlem and it really brought me back. As unbelievable as it may sound, this is not an isolated incident. One day, many, many years ago, I was sitting in the living room of this musician Kembra from the Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black. We were shooting a documentary and everyone was being really quiet so we could record the room tone. Breaking the silence, a loud "cock a doodle doo" was heard from the street below. We all kinda looked around the room and then at each other and then at Kembra. Completely unphased, she explained that there were these crazy roosters that lived on her block and that the city lights disoriented them so they just crowed around the clock. One rumor had it that there was once an illegal slaughter shack on the street that had been shut down by the board of health and the chickens and roosters that hadn't been killed were set free. Another rumor had something to do with the chickens escaping some sort of Santeria sacrificial ceremony. Regardless of their origin, they seemed to have taken up permanent residence on the block.
Later I was sitting outside Kembra's building with the equipment, waiting for the boys in the van to pick me up. A row of chickens walked by. They looked like they had been through a nuclear war, or at least a really bad bar fight. They were all dusty and had feathers growing out of their feet. They took a right on Avenue C.
Despite what you are thinking I was not and am not on drugs. I'm high on life man...and some combination of bannana peels, nutmeg and parsley that that fat hippie from the park told me would make me feel "reeeeeeaaaaal good maaan." And it only cost me twenty bucks! Score!
Jim, Liz and I rented Bloody Sunday on DVD last night. Very, very sad. I've heard this story a million times from my family; British soldiers shot 13 unarmed Catholic civil rights protestors who were marching in Derry, it was a tragedy and yet only one example of the atrocities commited by the British on our people (This is the story as I have been told it of course...My family is from Northern Ireland and we are Catholic if you haven't guessed).
So yeah, killing 13 unarmed people sounds like a bad thing - is a bad thing obviously...but y'know in a world of bad things, it didn't really have an effect on me. So I had no idea the movie would be so tough to watch. My eyes were all swollen and teary by the end. Definitely worth renting.
Then tonight Heather and I went to see Laurel Canyon. Eh? It was ok - worth renting if only for Frances McDormand's performance. That lady rocks.
Facts:
- I've
seen and enjoyed every episode of Law and Order and Law and Order SVU.
- Law
and Order CI sucks.
- I can
tap dance at a first grade level.
- I will
not partake of any activity that involves "jazz hands".
- Sketchers
rollerskates are goofy looking and you cannot travel faster than 4 miles
per hour in them. Small children on bikes will pass you.
- I have
the coolest cats in the world.
- Simpsons
jokes are always funny.
- Chocolate chip cookies rock me like a hurricane.
May 4th, 2003
Oh what a nice day! Got up early and went to yoga class this morning. Then me, Jim and Liz walked over the Mass Ave bridge into Boston and I got my favorite sandwich at the Other Side Cafe. Window shopped down Newburry Street and took lotsa pictures. Sunny, cloudless skies. Fun fun fun. Wanna see?
Ok, back to the Other Side Cafe for a second. I really love the veggie delight sandwich, but I don't go there to eat that often. Why not? Because the majority of their staff seem to be perpetually stoned and I find it completely annoying. I have many, many examples of their curiously flaky behavior but I will present only one. I was in there one afternoon and asked for a "soy latte". A look of momentary confusion passed over our waitress but then she smiled and said, "cool." Minutes later she arrived with my latte. I took a sip and literally spit in back in the mug.
Me: This is awful! This shit tastes like salt!
Her: What did you want?
Me: A soy latte?
Her: What's that?
Me (talking to her as I would a small child): Uh... its a latte...made from soy milk.
Her: OH! I get it! See uh...last week someone accidentally put like, soy sauce? In one of the milk pitchers? And then we served all these people these drinks with soy sauce in them... I thought you got a latte that had soy sauce in it and now you are like, drinking them that way... Oh my god that's so funny!
Me: Yeah. Could I get a check?
I used my new (used) camera for the first time last week. And I gotta say, these pictures suck. What I didn't know or didn't remember about point-and-shoot cameras is that what you see through the viewfinder is not what the lens sees. Therefore, in almost every picture the subject is way at the bottom of the frame and partially cut off. My bad. There were three nice pictures in the bunch. My lovely kitty cats, Miss Ruby and Miss Joy, and one that Monty took of me and Nick (somehow Monty knew how to aim the damn thing)...I just chalk this one up to my first Contax T2 lesson.
Bling bling was added to the Oxford Dictionary. I say about time!
Just when I thought I was too jaded to be affected by any kind of freak story...
Wanna watch old commercials and television shows? Click it here.
May 1st, 2003
This article completely reminds me of a comment made to me the other night. Ok, Nick noticed a certain band sticker on a mirror in my house and turned to me and goes "You still like The _______? They're so over." Alright, maybe he didn't use the word "over" but whatever word he used the sentiment was the same. I was too busy talking on the phone to answer him...But, hey! Shut up!
Besides that, the article has the funniest sentence I have read in a while:
"The glue traps don't work...so I bought a cat to eat the mouse, and then I had to get a dog to take care of the cat problem, and then I had to buy a wolf to eat the dog, and then I had to sue my landlord for not allowing my wolf to install an air-conditioner. It was a nightmare."
But it was so good to have Nick and Monty and their new friend visit. And we had Kim and Ray and Joy and Ruby in from VA the night before. I took pictures. Real pictures, like on film and all. Now I just have to get them developed. It feels so retro.
So when we were hanging out with Kim and Ray the other night, Jim was sitting on a chair next to two-year-old Ruby. Ruby kept whispering stuff to him while the rest of us were talking. The kids really wanted to watch their Peter Pan video, but we were sitting in the same room, so they just had to deal. When we left he told me what she said.
She would lean over and whisper, "Tell my mommy to be quiet and to turn it up." and then laugh. SHE'S TWO! That cracked me up.
35 facts you don't need to know
The Times think Homies are exploitive, but I still love them. Am I bad? Am I worse if I want this?
I shamefully admit to being curious about The Real Cancun...Not that I'm running out to the theater or anything, but I will if someone would twist my arm.
Ok, new contestant on GUESS WHO'S ON DRUGS NOW...this week's lucky celebrity is Jack Osbourne ... Suprise, suprise.
A big thanx to everyone who wrote/called/whatever about Saget. I'm happy to say he seems to be doing well.
These poor kitties - not doing so well.
That's all for today.
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