I am officially on temporary hiatus. From what? From posting silly. Until July 1st. Please do not slash your wrists, I assure you life will go on. You need something from me? You wanna start something? Bug Jim.
June 16, 2003
You may have noticed through my links that I regularly troll Craigslist. Not only looking for specific things that I need or want, but I also like to look at the missed connections and assorted bullshit.
This is my favorite recent real estate ad. I have to assume it is a joke, cos there have got to be laws about beekeeping in Manhattan.
But now I found this great source of Craigslist silliness. My trolling time will be cut in half.
Ok, who wants to go in on a delapidated building in a crappy area with me so that one day we will have this story to tell?
I figure I can afford it if I set up a venture capital plan similar to this. Actually I can just set up my own box next to this author, but then undercut her by pricing my stories at $1. I will clean up man.
June 15, 2003
Last Thursday night I met Sarah and Victoria at the B-Side for a few drinks. Ok, more than a few. We drank until closing time. We also decided to take pictures of ourselves slutting it up for the other patrons. Always a good time. Alcohol and digital photography compliment each other so well, dontcha think?
So I have a problem learning to use my indoor voice... give me some alcohol and it just gets worse...basically I start yelling. Yelling about the most inane crap you can imagine. Seriously. I must have said the word "friendster" fifty one times that night. Jim was there too and we had started saying everything with "ster" on the end...like "Got you a beer" "Thankster!" To which Victoria said, "Ok, you two have got to stop that... Now."
Here's the photo shoot. Yes, Sarah is indeed grabbing our breasts. Why? Not a clue.
Next up: Last night. Yes another hard-drinking night. Y'all don't have to worry, I have not decided to become a booze hound suddenly. I have decided to become a pill monkey* in the near future but that is another subject entirely. All this drinking is in celebration of the fact that I QUIT MY JOB. God, I love saying that. I QUIT MY JOB.
So yeah we hung out and had fun. Wanna see?
Tell me this is for real. Politics could become so much more entertaining...oh wait it already is.
*Pill Monkey is a term coined by Jennie Willink then related to me by Lisa Wisely. No I am not clever enough to think up Pill Monkey on my own. Props to the master.
June 11, 2003
Friendster. I stayed away for so long. I heard it was addictive. I knew it wold be problematic. Signed up today. Have wasted three hours so far...I am cursing Anne's name at the moment.
June 8, 2003
Yesterday, I went through my official ordination to the Universal Life Church. That's right, I sat in front of my computer for all four grueling minutes of the online ceremony. Jim had to interupt - he looked over and said, "What the hell are you doing?" but I put my finger to my lips in the universal "Shut the hell up" sign and continued to follow the induction instructions. He then shook his head and walked off.
Anyhoo, tell your friends that Noreen is now available to perform weddings, baptisms or bar mitzvahs. (Sorry, I have a n0-circumcision policy.)
What? you don't believe me? Look here and weep suckas.
Adam from the new Real World Paris looks like Gary (Bababooey) from the Howard Stern Show. No joke, they could be brothers.
How dodgy are you? I belong in jail for a long long time - with a possible execution.
Not a bad ass? Take the Geek Test. My score is 18.73767% which supposedly makes me a geek, although I would have to say I really only have geekish tendancies. I have objections to their line of questioning...I mean, all of a sudden collecting snow globes is geeky? Watching bonus options on DVDs is geeky and buying them just for the bonus features is also geeky...but why else do you buy DVDs? Has anyone seen the bonus footage on Spinal Tap? There's almost another movie there!
Watching documentaries is geeky? Buffy is geeky? Star Trek Next Generation is geeky? Ok, I'll give them that last one...
Not to overstate my non-geek case but I have a laser pointer only to play with my cat and someone GAVE me the nightvision goggles.
June 7, 2003
Having a bad day? Maybe this will cheer you up.
Your source for all that is Malcolm Gladwell.
What's next...Skittlebrau? (That was a Simpsons reference for those of you bitches sleeping.)
What happens when the Trading Spaces crew leaves? Do they talk shit about Paige Davis? Or do they have to completely RE-DO their house? Clickety clack.
"This led to the faintly surreal experience of three gentlemen in horsehair wigs examining the meaning of such phrases as 'mish mish man' and 'shizzle my nizzle'," the judge said." What what?
More pictures from breakfast. And even more.
June 5, 2003
I needed this. Because yes, it is better to celebrate the arrival of veggie burgers on Burger King's menu then to sit around and worry about the growing budget deficit. So I'm concentrating on the positive glimmers.
And my iPod makes me happy...And now Apple is attempting to woo indie labels to iTunes. Sub Pop is already on board so at the very least you can rock out to Hot Hot Heat, the Dwarves and the Supersuckers.
I have this really bizarre obsession with medical and sociological studies. I blame it on my dad. He was a research scientist (he's retired now) and to this day will reference the New England Journal of Medicine in casual conversation. He also likes to break down the chemical composition of whatever you happen to be eating/looking at/holding without any prompting on your part. But that's another subject entirely.
When I stopped by my parents house this afternoon, my dad threw a copy of Chemical News Weekly at me and said, "you may be interested in this." It was an article on seretonin levels in violence prone adolescents. Why in God's name would I, or anyone else, be interested in that?! But the sad part is ...I was interested. Very interested.
I'm sure at some point in the next month I will find myself boring someone to death by quoting the article...So yeah, this disorder may be genetic or something. THE BEST STUDY EVER.
Real World in Paris? Oh the cringe factor is HIGH.
June 4, 2003
I'm not sure that I could feel more impotent in the face of government mechanisms than I have recently. I can't think of one policy decision in the past year that I have agreed with. Like this recent decision. Who thinks this is a good idea? Who does this benefit? And what the fuck is this about? I'm not trying to be all Welcome-to-1984 paranoid or anything, but if you are not looking over your shoulder at least once a day now you are obviously a very trusting, naive soul. Or wearing a neck brace.
Are those old Rodney on the ROQ vinyl compilations still circulating out there? Ah, vinyl, sweet, sweet vinyl...Anyway, here comes the documentary.
Oh, and this wonderful mess - A modern day soap opera involving blogs, lawsuits and reality television - I don't know if you watch Sex2k on MTV, but they recently had some on-line dating episode where they featured this guy Tucker Max. He is, for all intents and purposes, a professional drunk/womanizer. Fun times for all were had on the show which culminated in Mr. Max upchucking in front of the bar at the end of the night. I HEART REALITY TV. Anyway, he has since been engaged in a first amendment battle over "prior restraint" with some chick he mentioned on his web site (the web site is entertaining by the way). Bloggers take heed.
June 2, 2003
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MAE
ELLA PADGET Wigfield is a town in danger. Don't just stand there, go help them. |
June 1, 2003
Has everyone caught the Rolling Stone Penis-man article? (The gentleman in question does not refer to himself as Penis-man, nor does Rolling Stone, I just made that one up on my own). For whatever reason this was a topic of conversation with me more than once last week. And the pictures of it are back on-line! Kind of anti-climatic though, I 'm not sure what I was expecting.
The guy in Vice's Do's section seems to be packing more heat in my opinion. Although his looks like it is the result of a rolling pin accident or something.
Are women turned on by open phallic displays such as these? Hmmm? Don't think so.
Speaking of penises ...cos that is all I seem to be doing...got herpes?
Ok, my last penis related link, I promise.
Speak with Dubya. (It really works! Go ahead, try it!)
I was just talking to someone this afternoon about the porn star name formula. Y'know people say you combine your first pet's name with the name of the first street you lived on to get your porn name? This does not work for me. I simply refuse to be "Stinky 135" Another option is to use your mother's maiden name instead of the street name...in this case I would be "Stinky McBarron"...I think the whole "Stinky" part might be the problem...I think I would have more luck with one of those porn name generator thingies.
Louis Farrakhan African Name Generator.
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