October 31, 2002
He's
a one man band, in his own right
Jam-Master jams to the broad daylight
No instruments needed, just two record players
Jam
Master Jay RIP
Jackass: The Movie. Go see it. Funny, funny, funny. Oh, the joy of seeing guys get hit in the nuts repeatedly. Plus Johnny Knoxville is a fox. Don't try this at home.
October 30, 2002
Happy Birthday Tracy L. Caldwell! Get that party started.
Somebody has got to have statistics on how many magazines Kurt Cobain's photo sells (and its gotta be a lot) because strangely enough - even though he is indeed DEAD - he seems to pop up on more newsstand covers then Saddam Hussein and the Olson twins combined. What's up with that, yo?
Ok, I make no effort to hide the fact that I am an unrepentant, unabashed Nirvana fan. I recently found an old copy of the Village Voice (circa 1994) in my file cabinet. The headline says "Never More" and yes, it’s a picture of Kurt, and yeah I framed it and put it on the wall last week. Go ahead - make fun. That said, I would like to draw attention to the fact that for the last two weeks or so various media sources (MTV, Salon, Village Voice, Newsweek, and on and on and on…) have been inundating the public with a heaping pile of fawning hyperbole portraying Kurt Cobain as a modern day saint... A "Genius" they say. The "messiah, martyr and Pontius Pilate of '90s pop." Pu-leeze! Enough already!! The article in salon actually included the sentence "But that was a deal that Cobain had made with the Man." Is this for real?! The last person I heard refer to the "Man" in a non-facetious manner, had just dropped five hits of tweety-bird acid and was also convinced there were listening devices in the wall that had been installed by the CIA.
Then on Monday MTV played this special simply entitled "Nirvana". Jim and I watched it. Our only excuse is that there was nothing else on and we were both in bad need of a break from the work we were doing. Lame, I know. Basically this "program" was one big laughable infomercial. I mean SERIOUS cheese. Maybe the stupidest part was this ridiculously overly dramatic voice over guy. His last line went a somethin' like this: To those who thought Cobain was a genious "YOU KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT" Segue to the new video…The horror! We watched the credits at the end and noticed that Courtney Love's record executive boyfriend produced the whole monstrosity. Enough said.
A lot of my time recently has gone to studying for the GRE (that's the Graduate Entrance Exam for those of you not down with the testing service). Re-learning math and extending my existing vocabulary is now my full time job.
The Word
of the Day for Wednesday October 30, 2002 is:
paroxysm \PAIR-uhk-siz-uhm\, noun:
1. (Medicine) A sudden attack, intensification, or recurrence of a disease.
2. Any sudden and violent emotion or act
You can find this word and many others at www.dictionary.com
You can also
sign up for their mailing list and they will send a new word to you
every day. I am astounded at how little I actually know on a daily basis
now.
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The Many Court Appearances of Winona.
October 27, 2002
Last night Jim and I were out walking around our neighborhood. On our corner someone had installed this street sign. So cute!
October 25, 2002
A shout out to Mister Jay Gillespie who turns THIRTY YEARS OLD TODAY. Wow, that would be my worst nightmare; to be turning thirty and have it transmitted over the internet. Stay strong Jay.
I made up this nifty Kelly Osbourne image to print out on patches.... Email me if you want one.
Fun Fact: Average number of words of MTV's The Osbournes censored per minute : 2.8 (Taken from Harper's October Index)
Taking the whole "yoga explosion" a step too far.
Are you ready for a disaster? Take this quiz and find out how prepared you really are. I got 10 out of 17, that means that I'm alive but just barely. Basically, I've been mauled by a dog.
Here's a fun girlie zine to read. There is the most unflattering picture of the girls from Sleater Kinney on the front page. Also an interview with Jessica Hopper.
A few weeks ago we ran into an old friend, John, who had just moved back from LA. He had moved out there cos his band was signed to some label but he got frustrated after a while cos nothing was going on (this is what I got from what he said. But I admit I wasn't listening too closely.) John told us his saga of being homeless, unemployed and then having all his equipment stolen. Long story longer, although the man is flat broke and crashing on people's couches he has this new-stylie toothbrush that had to cost at least $100. And he carries it with him...around...to shows....and takes it out at other people's houses....
October 21, 2002
CORRECTION: Anne pointed out to me that I had my South Park creators mixed up. It wasn't Trey Parker in the Michael Moore movie, it was Matt Stone. I really don't know which one is which, just that I like the one with the fro better cos the other one reminds me of a weasel.
I just got done watching a special on A&E on the history of hair: "Uncut". Almost every commercial they aired during the time slot was for a beauty product. Jenny Craig ran what may be the most offensive commercial I have seen in a while. This woman talks about how she is a teacher and that while she wasn't teaching in downtown New York last year, nonetheless, she realized after what happened (ie. 9/11...which she never explicitly states, just alludes to.) that she was in no shape to help her kids out because she was so fat. So the message is: If you don't lose weight THE TERRORISTS WIN. Can you say exploitive?
October 20, 2002
We stayed at a place called Homehouse while we were on our honeymoon in London. My cousin Adrian and his wife Tess gave us the stay as a wedding present. It was an absolutely beautiful, over-the-top English stylie, enormous suite. Amazing. At least four people who worked there pointed out that Brad Pitt had had the suite before us. And now Gwen...I don't know what to say. On a related note, I think Gwen Stefani is super hot and I've been into their whole embracing of disco (I don't know if they consider it that, but you know what I'm talking about) but I fear she has reached that point of over-exposure where even I don't want to hear her name.
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Jim and I went to see Bowling for Columbine Saturday night. The question Micheal Moore set out to answer was, "Are we a nation of gun nuts or just nuts?"... and the answer is....both. There were many funny scenes with Micheal Moore interviewing small town crackpots in his straightforward stoic manner that just emphasizes the lunacy of his subjects. This is kind of his forte, so it was to be expected. But while the movie was hilarious, it was also at times very sad. I wasn't expecting the graphic gun violence footage, nor was I expecting to see footage of 9/11 or shots of American military actions...That's not a criticism. Obviously if you are doing a documentary on Amercian violence, it would be kinda ridiculous to leave out this stuff. But for whatever reason I didn't expect it. My only critism would be the kindof unfocused/meandering quality to the film. Its still more entertaining than 80% fo the movies out there...Ok, you gotta love a movie where Marilyn Manson comes off as a beacon of sanity and a near modern day philosopher with his fear-fuels-Amercian-capitalism-theory...and hey, I didn't now that Trey Parker, one of the creators of South Park was from Littleton, CO (the home of Columbine High School). He also makes an appearance in the movie. Speaking of South Park, we just got back Comedy Central after living for two years without it and I just realized how funny South Park really is. Hysterical. All those "you killed kenny!" t-shirts and crap really turned me off of it, but c'mon, that show is FUNNY. |
October 17, 2002
Posted photos from Yosemite and Vegas...click on photos and then on the link Yosemite/Vegas.
October 16, 2002
First let me say that my hangover from Friday night lasted until Sunday afternoon. Harsh. I was DRUNK. I got a ride home from a cop? I'm asking cos it sounds like something I made up. My husband told me he picked me up after I fell out of bed at 6am that morning. He's not sure if I was just getting home then, or if I had been sleeping and just rolled out. Either way, it doesn't make me look too good.
Jen actually beat me out for "Drunkest Female of the Night" and was sent home in a cab after puking in front of Foley's. I guess someone called her house to tell her husband she was on her way and would be needing a little help. So the next day Jason, her husband, said "You were so drunk I had to pull you into the house by your belt loops" andJen goes, "...but I was wearing a skirt...I didn't have any beltloops. " Jason shrugged. Later Jen found the g-string she had been wearing that night with the legs stretched out to accomodate five people. Jason had obviously pulled her into the house by her underwear accidentally.
Went to see Sleater Kinney, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and the Quails Monday night at the Roxy. Sleater Kinney are a great live band cos they actually sound as full and layered live as they do recorded. And they are great. But I gotta admit that going to shows that attract a super-pc audience makes me uncomfortable... I am super paranoid and am convinced that people will think I am too aggressive in my push to stand up in front of the stage and that the crowd will turn on me. Not beat me of course, because that would not be a correct expression of aggression...no, much, much worse. I think they are gonna yell and point and make a scene and that I will be seen as the unenlightened bitch that I am. Um, so, unpopular opinion here but the yeah yeah yeahs? Ok, Karen O. seems to be a highly charismatic lead singer with a very very weird vibe. It is hard to take your eyes off of her. But the whole thing just seems like an exercise in self indulgent, semi-melodic...uh, I don't know. They were no good.
Usually I don't read "humor" columns but this made me laugh. Those kids say the darndest things.
Need to take out some aggression?
October 12, 2002
I have been in bed all day, nursing a monstrous hangover. Jen had a post-wedding bachelorette party last night. It involved transvestites and copious amounts of alcohol. Enough said. The pictures tell the rest.
October 8, 2002
The kid
at the coffee shop this morning goes, "So I was taking the bus last
night and I looked out the window and there goes your husband on a skateboard...
I didn't know he did that...crazy," all astonished.
So I'm like, "uh, yeah...I guess not too much anymore...but yeah."
while pondering why it should be so strange to see Jim skating.
"Yeah I gave that up a long time ago."....oh, he's saying Jim's
old.
So I say "yeah, you know he falls down a lot...that's what happens
...those old people, they are in the habit of tippping."
"Yup, its just boom...there goes the old equilibrium" He says
back.
"Yeah, weebles wobble but Jim falls down."
"You got it sister."
I could have kept going about geriatrics on skateboards but I had to get
to the subway. I couldn't help wondering...what age are you supposed to
hang the old skateboard up at? Jim's only 28. I think that's still skating
age. Am I kidding myself?
I went and picked up my Holter Moniter this morning. Its like an extra large beeper with three cords that attach to these electrodes that attach to my chest. When done, I turn the box back into the hospital where they can download the results and see what my heart is up to. Meanwhile they are not exactly comfortable and all the tape is pulling on my skin. Sigh. A tragedy I tell you....see for yourself.
Oh yeah.
I had to take off my shirt for the technician this morning and she looks
at me and goes "Are those real or did you draw them on?" referring
to my tatoos. What? Was it really a possibility that I got up at, I don't
know, 5am and drew stuff all over my chest just for fun? Or maybe to impress
her?But it was WAY too early to be a wiseass so I admitted that they were
real.
Basically I've been spending the past two weeks at home, at work and at the hospital. I'm not really going out at night, its just too much at the moment. So its me and the computer and the television. I reached whole new level of pathetic the other day when I found myself on the internet, not looking at sites, but looking at people's source code and laughing at their witty metatags....Yup, the bottom is further down then you think. But my hospital tests are over this week and, assuming all is good, I will be back to my social self by next week.
In the meantime check out exhibit13.
It's a Blue Man Production dealing with Sept. 11th...really simple and
moving.
See kitties
in japenese outfits.
October 6, 2002
In a new, supposedly "scientific" study into humor, the British Association for the Advancement of Science asked Internet users around the world to submit their favorite jokes and then rate the funniness of other people's submissions. The site received more than 40,000 jokes from 70 countries. I question their methodology but this is the result.
The funniest joke is...drumroll please....
"Two
hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem
to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone
and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I
can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"
Ba dum bump....get it? get it?... That's the funniest joke? It made me
smile but, c'mon....Again, where they got this random sample of participants,
I don't know.
Much more interesting and entertaining than the actual jokes themselves
were the differences between nations in the types of jokes they found
funny. Americans like jokes that make other people look stupid (So do
Canadians but they don't really count). A sad commentary on American culture,
one could say....Researchers went on to say that people from the UK, the
Republic of Ireland, Australia and New Zealand preferred gags involving
word play, such as:
PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."
DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."
That's so not funny it took me a minute to even get it. I'll stick with
the making-people-look-stupid jokes.
In more unintentionally funny news, one of the higher ups at
CNN emailed a "slang dictionary" to their head writers.
This way the newscasters can sound more "hip" and "cutting
edge". Like Larry King can now greet guests with a "what up
dawg?" Or, Connie Chung can give us the "411" on the mid
east crisis...y'know, really drop some knowldege, dude....Wait, the actual
memo is so much funnier than I could ever be...And I quote, "Please
use this guide to help all you homeys and honeys add a new flava to your
tickers and dekkos." (tickers and dekkos refer to their screen graphics.
I would like to start using those words myself)
I went to Target this
weekend. That whole Todd Oldham line is on sale. Go now. I have no idea
what I am going to do with three door mats but at $2.50 each, I felt I
had to buy them.
October 3 , 2002
I had an EEG this afternoon. The technician was really nice but she said she couldn't discuss test results with me, that I would have to meet with my doctor. I have to assume they would tell me up front if they thought I had something MAJOR wrong, but hey you never know. I showed up with my hair all tied up. First thing I had to do was take it down. Then the technician rubbed some liquid over my forehead, scalp, behind my ears and on the top of my chest. I thought she said it was alcohol, but when I reached up to scratch my forehead where she had put the stuff, it seemed to have a sand-like quality. She then attached 20 electrodes to me in various spots framing my face. After sitting in a room in front of a camera opening my eyes, shutting my eyes, hyperventilating (they asked me to do that, I wasn't just freaking out or something)and sitting in front of a very strong strobe machine (it was like a rave times 100) she came in to set me free.
When I sat up I think I scared her. I still had all the electrodes attached and my hair had frizzed up from whatever liquid she had put on it so that it was standing straight out on the sides and top. I have a lot of hair. I know this because she immediately directed me to a mirror and asked if I had a brush on me. "I have a comb," she said, "But there's no way it could get through that hair."
Very Bride-of-Frankenstein. Aw yeah.
So what is up with Courtney Love and all the plastic surgery? Really. She did this spread in US magazine last week and it was truly frightening. She has had ALOT of work done recently. Her skin looks too tight for her face, her eyes slant back and I swear to god her lips get bigger every day.
She is starting to resemble Jocelyne Wildenstein. In a nutshell: Jocelyne Wildenstein is an obscenely rich New York socialite who, a few years ago, went through some very bitter divorce hearings that put on display all the Wildenstein's dirty laundry. Her ex-husband is an international art dealer who supposedly made his money through Nazi war crime art thefts. The woman has had countless operations all in some deranged attempt to make her look like a cat. There are many other accusations and rumors surrounding this woman that I will not go into. She can't close her eyes and she scares small children.
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