August 30, 2005
I was sick last Saturday night/ Sunday and thus missed my chance to see John, Alex & kids in fromVA. But I did pull it together to go out last night...when you pay $25 for a ticket at the diviest dive in the city, you can't really bail. And I gotta say, CBs outdid itself last night with no aircondtioning, a black out in the bathrooms downstairs, leaking pipes and a no -readmittance policy so you couldn't step out and get some air or relieve your claustrophobia that was bordering on full out panic. I actually did a shot of liquor upon walking in the door cos I was afraid I was gonna flip out. Instead I just ended up a big sweaty drunk mess.
And we'll sink with California when it falls into the sea...
Photos from CBGBs - in black and white no less. Click Here.
August 28, 2005
Douchebags who hurt animals should be locked up.
And now....cats in sinks!
August 26, 2005
I forgot, my brother has a site now. Go there and you can watch footage from his upcoming sex series...C'mon, that's an offer you can't refuse. Right?
August 22...later...
Ok, Lisa got around to posting photos as well.
And in celebrity drug news...Courtney Love was sent back to rehab while Natasha Lyonne was found in an unnamed NYC hospital withdrawing from drugs and fighting hep c. Its been quite a weekend.
August 22, 2005
I am still exhausted from Saturday night. It was the night of the Leo birthdays where we celebrated Lisa G, Lisa W and Chris G's bdays. There was fun and Carvel ice cream cake and singing and dancing and kissing and the inevitable alcohol poisoning. I would try to post photos and write witty things, or at the very least explain what was going on, but I have not the energy.
Basically, I feel like this guy:
And here are the rest of the pictures.
August 20, 2005
Ok, first off this is hysterical. Really. And completely peritnent to what we were dealing with the past week with Timer Warner. Cable service was out by the way, from Redhook to Greenpoint in Brooklyn yesterday, but it took the Time Warner reps, oh say 5 hours to figure that out. (I stole that link off Rachel. And now I'm still laughing. As she suggests...read through to the end.)
So there was a near riot this week in Richmond VA over the sale of used laptops for $50 each. Seriously, people were beating each other with chairs to get a USED laptop. They could have gotten the same deal off of craigslist. I think this illustrates how deeply moronic people who live in Richmond actually are...And I know because I was once counted amongst their ranks.
Swedish library to "lend out" gays and other minorities.
Did you know that chickens are all the rage in the suburbs?
And flipped collars are back amongst idiot youngsters and older people attempting to look cool by digressing?
And finally, gossip turns out to be good for you.
August 17, 2005
I'm moving! I'm crazy! I've got nothing for you. Except to say that our movers were awesome and if you need to move within the five boroughs in the near future, let me know and I'll pass on their digits.
And getting cable hooked up was a royal pain in the ass. Time Warner Cable in Brooklyn is staffed by a bunch of incompetent yahoos that should not have jobs to begin with. The tech guy they sent out here insisted that he had to have access to a part of the building that was completely locked up. We live in an apartment, we do not own the building. We tell him this. He says he needs to "tag the line". I ask him if he needs to do this to actually connect the cable. He tells us no, that he needs to do this because if his supervisor were to come out here and see that he hadn't he would be in trouble. As if his supervisor was going to be tailing him in a van through BK looking for tagged wires.
Now there is no way I am letting the cableman go without hooking up my cable. So I turn to Jim and say "get a credit card, a screwdriver and a coathanger. You are breaking the fucking thing down." And yay! Jim did it!
Aside from the fact that Jim was actually scheduled to work from home this week and thus needed the connection for his job, having the television was equally important. I mean, do you really think I was gonna miss the premiere of Tommy Lee Goes to College?
Here's a similar story, except maybe worse. Time Warner sucks.
August 9, 2005
We had never dined at the restaurant Sea before last week. The overpopulation of taxis, rented limos, and stretch hummers out front is enough to keep any normal human away. But we broke down for LG's birthday and were happily surprised. Yeah, there were like 100 stockbrokers in the house and yes the bathrooms were annoyingly shaped like individual space pods and had camera moniters in them so you could see what was happening on the street....but it was good...and, you'll never believe this...cheap? It was cheap...or at least reasonable! And when I looked around and mentioned something about feeling like I was in a movie set, Wisely kindly pointed out that we were indeed in the restaurant from the opening scenes of Garden State. That very LA type restaurant was actually in Brooklyn.
Speaking of eating, we ate in the backyard of Miss Williamsburg this weekend and I cannot say enough good things about it.
Ok, now for the world's ugliest dog...seriously.
I actually realize that I am using the word "actually" and "seriously" like a ten year old uses "gross". I cannot help but pepper my every sentence with at least one and it is starting to drive even me crazy.
So listen, I got tickets for the Circle Jerks CBGBs show on September 9th because by the time I got around to buying tickets the 10th was sold out...anyone else going on the 9th?
Article in the NY times on the ever-dropping NYC murder rate. How low can we go? Well apparently if you are not a " black man with a criminal record, from the age of 25 to 40, outdoors on a weekend in Brooklyn and confronted by an angry 18- to 24-year-old friend, acquaintance or relative who is a former convict and is wielding a gun" then you have a snowballs chance in hell of being knifed in NYC this weekend. And no, I did not make the Brooklyn part up...amazing how goddamn specific that is huh?
So like every day there is another article about the real estate bubble (like this one from the times, "The Hissing Sound") and yet every day I see an ad for a new real estate development that is more and more preposterous in a less and less desireable location and I can't figure out what the hell is up.
I was totally sad that Peter Jennings died.
Some fucking cocksucker who lives at 940 Lorimer Street has been fucking with my laundry all night. I am going to knife the fucker when I find them. So if you are a white hipster living in Brooklyn expect to be stabbed by a homicidal woman with tatoos and wet clothes. Seriously.
August 4, 2005
August 3, 2005
I realize that I will not be able to update for a while. I'm finally moving, amazingly enough. There's lots of packing and painting and cleaning going on...And I am sure there will be some computer downtime between places.
Most of my recent online time has been either working (as in my job, yes I have one.) Or on Craigslist buying new stuff or selling asinine stuff of my own (see post from August 1.) Anyhoo, as a result this is all I got for ya...rant about the subway off of Craigslist and Italian Brown Sofa, a tale of discovery...
August 1, 2005
I think this is torturously funny. Let me proceed this by saying, if you know me you would know that I would never purchase something called a Tibetan Yak Bell. I am not sure what a Tibetan Yak is, ok? They were a fucking gift alright? And as I am moving, I am trying to find loving homes for all of my old stuff. And get some cash at the same time. Sue me.
So anyway, I uncover these Yak bells in one of my closets and decide to post them on craigslist, but I have no idea what catagory to post them under so I posted under musical instruments. ( You have to click this shit or you will not know how truly hilarious this is.)
Then some funny dude (I have to imagine this is a guy, cos he has too much time on his hands and is perusing the musical instrument section) posted this fake listing for "Tibetan Yak Balls". Clearly this man is dissing me. I am being made fun of on craigslist! This may be a new low for me.
But it is sooooo much funnnier than that, because of the way I found out. I asked the new marketing assistant at work to look up the posting and tell me what catagory my yak bells belong in...(this is how I put assistants to work) and she's like "Oh, your listing is right on top."
And she's looking at the wrong listing - for the BALLS not the BELLS - and reading it out loud in this super confused voice like "Tibetan Yak Balls?...When you hit them, the Yak makes different angry, pained noises?" And would look at me like "HUH?" and you know she is thinking I am a fucking looon. I was confused and trying to read over her shoulder and then I just started laughing so hard I had to leave her desk. Convulsing. People all asking me what is so funny and all I could get out was "yak balls!" hahahahaha "yak bells!" ahaahahahaha. And so on.
So, uh, anyone wanna buy some Tibetan Yak Bells?
Ok, in other news Lisa G. was on CNN. Her second appearance. That makes her like a regular.
Here's her quote from the first show:
"So you need the probiotic to balance out the antibiotic, to replenish the good bacteria that's been destroyed with the antibiotic."
And her newest quote in regards to the New England Journal of Medicine study on echinacea:
"Not once have I had somebody come back and go, that didn't work. I always have people coming back, going, oh, this was great; oh, I'm getting more for my cousin, I'm getting more for my mother. It's always -- I mean, that's when they come back and they always get more of it."
We requested that on her next appearance she drop outdated slang in between all words so that they can't edit around it. Like, "Fo shizzle the echinacea is good no doubt." We'll see if she follows through on that plan.
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